Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break our bones but words will never hurt me...is a saying I never could understand where it came from....our bruises and cuts on our outside eventually heal, but the condemning, ugly, hurtful, words aimed toward us whether we have them coming or not hurt. They can be replayed and replayed in our heads and sometimes they can scar us for life.

I remember in High School I had a friend that was not very pretty. Her Mother had told her over and over how ugly she was. I couldn't imagine that, especially that a Mother would tell her that.

I am guilty words can fly out of my mouth when I get angry or someone says something accusing to me faster then the speed of light and the minute they come out I wish I could take them back but we can't. Most of the time we aim them at the ones we love the most. So many times my children and my husband would be at that end. And I am so sorry...so very sorry...so very sorry....

Since I have surrendered my life to Christ this has been a terrific struggle for me. I had a friend tell my a number of years ago that I had an anger problem and I did. I wanted to blame it on feelings of guilt that I carried...of the bad choices I had made it life..of low self esteem...maybe envy of others around me...jealously but I had no one to blame but self...my ugly self, my sinful nature, my flesh..Then one day a light came on and I realized that Jesus died on that cross for my sins...He took all my GUILT..my sick sinful deeds, all my sinful thoughts, my rotten attitude, my ungrateful heart, on and on, to the CROSS..he took it all and died for me..and it is when we die to self...that is when we put others first...their feelings...their needs and not ours...am I there yet totally NO way...but I am on the right path now, knowing that it is only through HIM that I can be anything..and not of myself...to live is to die..daily...this I know..but it can be so hard and I fail so many times...but my hearts desire is to live in His strength not my own because He promises NEVER to leave us or forsake us...and no one is who there are by accident but we all are a part of His great plan. It is a life long battle our weakness, our imperfection..and we won't arrive until that day...but each day should bring us closer as we grow in the Lord.

No one will love me more then Jesus did when He died on that cross....

Everett leaves me a note everyday on the blackboard in the kitchen and today's note is what inspired this blog this morning it read

Have you ever looked for yourself and if you did what did you find?

What we think.. what we believe is right.....

We decorate...in my case Annie decorated for me and did a terrific job...we stress, we go to dinners,
we go to church programs, we go to school programs, and we stress...we cook and some bake tons of goodies....that are really not that good for us and every year we say we are go to cut something out and make it simpler, calmer, not spend so much money...but oh if we don't will they love us..will they think we are cheap...don't we want to give as Christ gave....

I read a book Advent Conspiracy...my granddaughter Abby just blogged about it...

Do we need one more sweater, one more tie, one more candle....on and on...that in a week from Christmas we won't even remember...the gifts are for the moment...the wonder of what is in that package under the tree...is it really about the gift so much as the anticipation??? The excitement.. the sleepiness on Christmas eve...the beauty of the lights...all the decorations....what about time...memories...families are going by the wayside...so sad....I think of different ones this year that were married for a long time...divorced...children will not wake up this Christmas with mom and dad both there..one will be here and one will be there...how sad....

For years I have thought why and yet I get caught up in it just like the next one....we all have everything we need...we live in a world of storage sheds....thrift stores...people store and gather up more stuff then my grandparents ever thought of having to give away...( which is good)  but just saying we all have so much.

There are so many in the world without...somehow we can push that out of our minds and go on...I am guilty....I want to live the next four weeks like Abby said...Advent...preparing...we need to prepare every day...our hearts, our lives...for Christ's return...I ask myself what have I done today to prepare for that day....my house is ready for Christmas now I must asked myself is my heart??

For unto us this day in the City of David a Savior is born...and the Word tells us He will return again..

I'd rather eat caramels

Some thoughts going around in my head tonight. I feel like my house needs some TLC. Like I need to get things that I haven't used forever and pack them up and give them away or throw them out.
But I'd rather eat caramels.

I need so badly to go through all of my Christmas decorations. But I'd rather eat caramels.

I want to sleep, I want to eat, I want to exercise....but I'd rather eat caramels....

I am getting addicted to Little House on The Prairie....my sister is letting me watch her whole set that she got from the very first one until the last one...every evening I watch one or two...

I read a very good book....Not a Fan...by kyle idleman....good book...are you a fan of Jesus or are you a follower?? Good question....I know what I want to be and am trying....a follower....How many times am I guilty of judging others for something that I have done and been guilty of myself...ouch...how many times do I want to compare....ouch....When Jesus says "Follow me" that is what he means..now...do not put your hand on the plow and look back...to take up our cross daily...daily...
you cannot carry a cross without suffering....

There is so much and so little time...where do I put my energy and thoughts....on heavenly things or earthly things.....

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a backbone...want to please....don't want to be a people pleaser want to be a God pleaser..Sometimes I feel cluttered......don't want to...let it go....eat some caramels...but then I gain weight don't want that either...

The year is drawing to an end quickly...seems like life is passing so quickly...not much time, but God will give just enough time...to accomplish His plan for my life...so I just want to step aside and let Him..and keep my hands out of the caramels!!!!

On my heart.....

Today in church Pastor was preaching on the ways of the world...not giving into fleshly desires.
He used a lot of illustrations, what are the ways of our culture that try to draw us in..what temptations draw us away from our focus on God..commercials on TV are really geared for this.

There are a lot. The day can start off and you feel like you can handle anything that comes your way because you have just been on your knees in prayer or just read some very inspiring devotional book and it seems like nothing can take our attention away from our Holy God and bam....before I even get down my steps some thought or something has already caused me to become anxious, fearful, dreadful..you get the picture...failure...

Then we must get back up and look upward.

The pastor said today many examples of this world pulling at us but one of the ones that is so powerfully strong I feel like is PRIDE,,,

Look what I can do....I would never do that...our looks, our education, our home, our car, our clothes..on and on...watch me..I can jump higher then you..I am faster, I am more patient,  boasting what we have does not come from the Father but from the world.

There are a lot of different areas of pride. I think a lot of people look at us Christians watching what we do and really a lot of our sin can be in our hearts. God looks at the heart....Man looks on the outside. Most of the time we can take so much time taking care of our outside we forget the most important thing we need to take care of is our heart.....our thoughts....our words.....

Roman 12:1&2....I beseech you therefore brethren by the mercies of God that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God which is your reasonable service.
2: And be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. KJ.

God has showered His blessing on me lately...He gives us so many opportunities to serve Him.
That is what we as Christians are called to do to serve Him...not to be served....I want to have a servant heart.. As David wrote in the Psalms "Create in me a pure heart....

Nervous Nellie...

I am a nervous nellie when it comes to storms...especially tornados..now I know I do not stand alone in this fear..mine is just very...well....out there. I become very anxious....I can become very quiet...because I don't know exactly how to handle my fear with it....because I know that it is all in God's hands anyway...I just can't comprehend the thought of losing my home...or worse yet a member of my family....I wanted to crawl in my mom's lap last Saturday because she used to make me feel secure in her arms when I was a little girl....

I know there are a lot of little ones still like that....in Mom and Dad's bed....snuggling up to them..I spent many of stormy nights in my mom's bed....oh the comfort...I got being there...and really, what could she have done if a big one would have hit....

I thought that when I surrendered my life to Christ that maybe some of my big fears would go away...and some have...but I want to snuggle up in God's arms of safety when things here on earth get bumpy....I want security....I want protection...and He did protect last Saturday....I pray for those that got hit...and lost loved ones...I do....but in return I want to THANK HIM for answered prayers....praying for protection of my  loved ones...and my home...we were gone and He watched over.....prayer....prayer....Thank you Father...I want Him to know that I am thankful...and I do not take it for granted when our prayers are answered...

There is a song we sing....Everett and I.....In the Shelter of His Arms.....

There is peace in the times of trouble,
There is peace in the midst of the storm....
There is peace when the world seems raging
In the Shelter of His Arms.....

Passing from this life to the next...

Today is Good Friday, the day we set aside to ponder and let our thoughts drift back to what it much have been like over 2000 years ago....when Jesus was crucified...innocent of all wrong...completely sinless and yet they found Him quilty...I have thought about that the last couple of days and what it must have been like for Him to take all the sin of all the world ever...upon himself .....oh the pain He must have bore...I thought of how painful it is when I stub my toe, hammer my finger, a tooth ache...so much pain and yet it is nothing compared to what our Savior went through....I want to thank you Jesus...for taking my sins...that I may have ever lasting life....and you didn't stay in the grave...you arose....and I too, will not stay in the grave...because of what you did for me......

Today...Good Friday.....2012.....another soul left this earth and went into eternity.....my son-in-law's father Bon Walker....I remember the first time I met him almost 30 years ago....he was painting a house..that's what he did he was a painter...We would aways be together for our Grandchildren's birthday parties...Abby, Annie and Abe....every year....the day our first granddaughter was born...Bon and I were both at the hospital...when our Abby was born we stood by the window of the nursery and both of us argured about who she looked like ....I said my side of the family and he said no she was a Walker all the way through...made me mad....she look like the Boese's...... But you know today she is a beautiful Abby a mix with both of us....

We went to see Bon on Monday..at Cedars...so glad we did...he talked to us yet...he will be missed....

Security

Where do we draw our security from. Do we draw it from our bank account?
Do we get it from whom we are married to and the importance of that person?
What about our home?
Do we receive it from what we make think we know, like how smart we are?
Do we get it from how we look?
How much college education we have?
What about the family we come from?
Where do our insecurities come from?
Maybe from abuse we have received.
Maybe from a negative prespective of what we even have of self..of who we are and what we really want to be...
Maybe it could come from the if onlys...if only I had a millon dollars...if only my husband hadn't cheated on me...if only I could lose 20 lbs I would be more secure in who I am....
If only I was a blond...(of course we all could do that)
If only I wasn't sick and had better health....
You would think if you have been on your job for 30 years..had a supervisor position...if you have been married 20 yrs of more...if you had money in the bank and it is payday and still had money in the bank you would feel pretty secure...
The bottem line here is there is no security in any of the above...We can think everything is secure..our job, our marriage, our looks, our bank account etc...but nothing is...all can be wipe away in a heartbeat..

Came to work on Monday morning here...and learned in my parent company someone in superviser postion that has been there 30yrs fired...gone...history...there is a reason....2nd 30 some year in employee in the same year that has gotten fired.....company policies, rules...broken....there are conquences from our failure to follow rules....
Marriage vows broken...after years of marriage...families split up, divided, many, many questions??? Why? How could I have prevented this from happening?
We all want to feel secure...often times babies, little children have security blankets..ragged old teddie bears or other stuff animals...what ever something to hang on to that gives them a feeling of security...thunderstorms little ones run to mommy and daddy's bed...secure in the arms of our parents...

I know I am secure in the arms of my Father....my savior Jesus Christ...that is where I want to find my security in because He is security..the only security..with promise....Never will HE leave us or forsake us...but we must believe and put our faith and trust in Him.....

Changes

                                           

                                         The red lamp shade was my mothers!

Over Christmas break Annie (my graphic art design art major) came over and redecorated my home using all the stuff that I already had...and I love it so much...here are some pictures of the after do...

The last 4 pictures are our family room in the basement. Everett made the H.O.P.E. for me..love it!

She switched lamp shades around mix and matched and unmatched it was so much fun. We had such a fun day! Thanks Annie....

On a Lighter "Note"

Music, do we ever think about how much it is a part of our life? Our soul?

Last night we attended the McPherson High School, 6th, 7th, and 8th grade music concert...what a great evening.

Not only did we have 3 grandchildren that played ( which made it the more special) but I can't tell you how

much we enjoyed it.

The band teacher made a very good statement: He said that music plays so much a part of everything we do.

We have music at funerals, weddings, most of us married couples ( or couples in general ) usually have " Our Song".

We all have favorite songs, era's etc...favorite Hymns, favorite singers, favorite bands etc....

Oh how music fills our lives..it can brighten our moods if we are down, it can bring back so many memories..

I love music...different kinds...but my all time favorite is Gospel Bluegrass..the harmony, the words...oh the

words...

Some of my favorite hymns:

What a Friend we have in Jesus...

Nothing but the Blood...

Where could I go but to the Lord....

Blessed Assurance....

Amazing Grace....

When the Roll is called up yonder....

And many, many more....

There are the 50's and 60's music I love.....soft jazz....and Christmas songs...

All and All music is a big and maybe even bigger part of our lives then we think or realize....

The Bible talks alot about harps, tambourines...David's harp....

There is a song that I sing...

I'll have me a harp that just like David's... I'll sing me a song with a band of a  million Angels...

WHAT A DAY THAT WILL BE......WHEN MY JESUS I SHALL SEE

Started, Deleted..

I want to post...I want to share...but for some reason I am afraid to put myself out here....
My heart is heavy tonight.
I have had a great day so I don't know what is on my heart for sure.
Sometimes the uncertainty and a lot going on.
Heavy stuff.
Two granddaughters graduating College this spring..one with her master's Where did it all go??

I think about how fast it all goes and where does that leave me? What door is opening for me to enter and which ones are shutting??? I want to cry...I want to laugh...I want to enjoy...I want to give...I want to take...

Tonight I have been thinking about my life since I have surrendered it to Christ...I had someone ask me today if I would share my testimony at her church...I have thought a lot about that, I have a lot to say..God has done wonders in my life to give Him all the Glory, the praise...the THANKS...but it scares me...I did not say yes...did not really know if she was serious....it is something I have always had in the back of my mind..maybe God wants me to lay it out there...don't know and not sure  I am a public  speaker....I need to pray...God does not call the qualified He qualifies the called....

I want to be
led by the Spirit.
to be identified with Jesus.
 in fellowship with the Spirit.
indwelt with the Holy Spirit.
the mind of the Spirit.
have God in me.

It's Over

Christmas is over....for 5 years now we have either in Dec or Jan headed with all the Boese's and Walkers to Great Wolf Lodge...this was the week-end for it this year...we had a great time.

Sally had been sick all last week. Finally on Friday she started feeling better and was able to come...
But then Shanyn got sick during the night Saturday...it is an adventure and no one in the past has gotten sick...so this was the first.. and we missed Annie not being there....but all and all we still had a great time.

Some of the kiddos like to sleep in our room and this year we had Simon, Sydney and Sophie. It was fun..
All 17 of us went to the Resturant there in the Lodge for supper, Everett's brother Paul and his wife Marilyn came to visit....the kiddos did the arcade....we had our hall party...fun memories....

End of the year 2011

Another year end...this year I have not been sad as some years I am. Usually I look back and there are a lot of things that I reflect upon that can make me sad, lonely or wishing that I had done this or hadn't done that but that didn't happen this year. Even taking down the Christmas trees didn't do that to me this year. And always taking the trees down can make me sad. I love Christmas and Christmas eve is my very favorite day of the year.

Things were different this year...there were moments when the changes came and wanted to make me sad and maybe a little bit...but there was so much joy.....how can we get caught up on sadness when there is so much joy...to celebrate first of all the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ...knowing the why He was born...was to save us from Hell...where is there any sadness in that. I have discovered sometimes we create our own sadness by not living in the present but alway reflecting on the past or thinking of the future...wow what a waste, but we do that don't we?

We had so many get togethers this Christmas..with Abby and Jeff here and all the business, coffee, coffee, eating, eating some more...playing and watching Lucy...all the other grandkiddos....so much fun and God has blessed this family with so much....

Winding down the holidays now brings reality again...work starts up tomorrow at 6 am...go thankful that I have the job..and in two weeks it is GREAT WOLF LODGE with the family.....